This is who I am...

Have you ever found yourself questioning who you are?!... Well lately I have found myself asking this question over and over again. Don't get me wrong... yes I know I am Nadia Jane Phillips but I guess I am not sure what that really means. So really the question I have been asking myself is... what does it mean to be Nadia?
As I have talked about it my last blogs I have been making some changes, but now I am wondering what it is I am changing into? What is my goal?
Growing up, when I was frustrated or going through something really tough I always would think to myself... just hold on Nads when you get older things will fall into place a lot more easier because you and everyone else will be more mature. But oh how I was wrong! Life never gets easier... you are never 100% sure of yourself and your life.
I feel that people seem to not grasp that I am not the same person as I was years ago. Maybe it was just me, but I seem to take the hard road when it came to self discovery. Yes I made my share of mistakes, yes I did some dumb things, and yes I lost some really great people on the way. But what people don't seem to see is that I always got back up and did my best. I never gave up. So I have decided this is a part of who Nadia is, I am not a quitter!
I have never been one to understand "cliques" and stomping on others to get to the top. I was never good at that sort of thing. As a teenager it frustrated me how people could play such drama games to gain popularity. It always just made sense in my head to be nice to everyone. A friend is a friend... you can never have too many! So I have decided I am a non social political person... and I kinda like that!
How many times have you looked at your facebook page and saw... I miss you, lets hang out!... messages from people you know you'll never see or know much at all? Or when it's your birthday and you look on facebook to see how many people wished you a happy birthday that you know you haven't heard from since you were kids? hahaha. Yes I am talking about those "friends"... the ones you can count on being fake 100% of the time. The ones who tell you, you look AWESOME when you know you both know that you look like crap! I just don't get those kinds of people. In fact those kinds of people really infuriate me to no end! Sometimes I feel more insulted then complemented by those kinds of remarks from such people. I believe in honesty... it really is your best policy. So needless to say I have decided that I am proud to know that I sincerely love my friends. When I say you look awesome it is because that is what I think. And when I say I want to get together I mean, lets check our calendars and set a date! So Nadia is good at not being fake. I'm not 100% perfect at this but then again show me someone who is! hahaha
Music is always something that reaches out to me. No I am not a great singer... but dancing is my all time favourite thing to do! And when I can't dance I love to sit back and listen to music. Lyrics are what I look for in a song to make it a classic. I love it when I find a song that I can connect with and understand in my own life. So to be Nadia means to live in a world with music! Pictures are also important to me. I feel they are journals in themselves. I could look at pictures all day and have the best time recounting memories. I love that I can look back and say... yes I did that!
Like most people I have had hard times in my life when it came to friends and losing friends. It is so rough when you learn someone isn't who they say they are or lets you down or just walks away. Sometimes I find myself thinking about those past friends and feeling depressed over what happened and wondering if I had only done something different would they still be there. Have you ever been there? I sadly have been there far too many times. It was when I was talking to my husband he had me realize that I have so much to be grateful for when it comes to friends now. Are any of you so lucky as to have a friend in your life you can tell ANYTHING too? A friend who can relate to your stupid moments or your embarrassing moments? A friend who you know will always have your back no matter what?! I am happy to say I really do have friends like this in my life now. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have these lovely ladies in my life. I don't know if they even realize the impact they have on me... but they are people I aspire to be more like every day. These girls help make me who I am. I am loyal to them till the end! They are willing to do anything for me and I know I am willing to do anything for them. Yes I have had to say goodbye to some friends along the way... but at the end of the day the besties I have now are priceless! In fact I love knowing that they need me in their lives too. So to be Nadia means to be loyal. I am there no matter what!!!
When I was a child I was diagnosed with ADD. Yes that is right I am ADD. At the time I was in grade 4 and no one knew much about it and thought... oh ADD means hyper and annoying. So I was titled from a young age as such and it destroyed me and I felt labeled by it for most of my life. But as I have gotten older I have realized it does not determine my life. I have learned that being ADD does not mean you are hyper (don't get me wrong I can get hyper like everyone else) it just means you learn differently and by no means does it label me as stupid. I have learned that it has made me more creative and out going. I am proud to say I am not a dull person. hahaha. How many people do you know who can hold a more topic-full and random conversation better than me?! hahaha that's right! I'm only sad that I wasn't able to see this when I was younger. Being ADD is a part of who Nadia is... and I LOVE it!
So these are some of the things I have come up with when I took the time to sit down and ask myself... what does it mean to be Nadia. I know it is a non stop mission but it does feel good to know every once in a while where I am at.
To be Nadia means to never quit, to never be political with people, to be real, to be musical, to be loyal and to be ADD! I'm thinking so far so good! If you can't learn to love yourself who can you love, right?!
So there you have it.
PEACE!